if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a thousand times over.
i love you a lot, okay? i do. i love you in the morning and i love you at night. i love you when you don’t love me back.
i’m so scared for you, darling.
you’re getting wrapped up in a dangerous life. doing drugs is one thing, selling drugs is another. i can’t take these nights of being treated like a customer instead of a friend. i can’t stand the scenarios i make up in my head when you aren’t at school or won’t answer your phone. i can’t stand the thought of you not caring for me anymore. i care about you so much.
every night, all i can think of is your safety. it kills me that you don’t care, but know that i love you. i love you and i believe - no, fuck that, i KNOW that you have so much more potential. you are so smart and clever and funny. don’t waste away. please stay.
if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a thousand times over.
I love you. That fact scares the both of us, makes the skeletons in our closets tremble. Makes your hands shake. Your smile falter.
But that’s okay. I love you anyway.
Words can’t even begin to say how much I miss you. It’s so hard without you here. I go past your house and you should be there! It shouldn’t be empty. I should be able to walk in and see you sitting in your chair. I miss your laugh. The way your voice sounds. I’m scared one day I’m gonna forget it completely. I cry myself to sleep all the time and no one knows. Everyone thinks I should be okay by now. It’s been a year since you’ve been gone. The pain though is still here. Sometimes it’s worse then than ever. I remember that night like it just happened. It replays over and over in my mind. I blame myself all the time. I ran out mad at you. Not even five minutes later you were gone. I miss your hugs. Goofing off at your house. Hell I’ll even take you dancing through the grocery store. I’d do anything to have you back or to just hear your voice one more time and tell you how much you mean to me and that I love you. I never told you that enough. Keep an eye on me from above daddy. Fly high my free bird.
your baby girl.
Anonymous asked: Dear Mama, I miss you. Every single day. I wish you were still here with me, especially now that I am almost graduating college. You left so soon, so soon, just when I started needing you the most. I know that I shouldn't be selfish and stuff, but it's just so damn hard. I see other daughters being close with their moms, and I just feel so envious of them cause they still get to hug and kiss and talk to their moms about stuff. I just wish you were here right now. I miss you... so, so much. -E.
There’s no right word that could describe my feelings right now. I am a mess, and I guess I will always be. I made a mistake, I crossed the invisible line that had been there between us. I shouldn’t have been over-reacting. I loved and valued our friendship and I always do. You mean the world to me and you’re the source of my motivation. But now that I have ruined everything I guess all I can do right now is to pick up all the pieces, move on and learn from the mistakes I have done. You were my friend, even the best friend I’ve ever had. I remember the first time we saw each other on the webcam. You’re as shy as I was. I knew because you kept looking under your table when you should be looking at me. Now I guess I’m going to have to listen to Pearl Jam or Foo Fighters alone.
I really, really and sincerely wish that I could undo my mistake. That the night I sent you those offensive and inappropriate message could be brought back.The fact that I have offended you too much have made me feel rather ashamed of myself. I have terribly betrayed our friendship.
I know there’s no power in the world or even a prayer from the Pope that could bring your friendship back to me, but I’m hoping that wherever you are, you will forgive me. I’m just a person, a girl, who tries too hard to impress you but eventually failed so miserably. The thing I have lost now is you. That’s the very price I have to pay. The pain is unbearable, I couldn’t even sleep with all those mess and your reply as well as deleted FB profile kept playing in my head.
You will always be in my heart. And you should know that my feelings for you are genuine. I guess the timing wasn’t right for me to let you know the whole truth. Again, I didn’t mean to offend you. I know you’re so pissed off and humiliated right now. You must have the idea in mind that I’m a crazy woman. I’m so sorry that I freaked you out. I would feel the same way too. But just so you know, I’m still planning on visiting Portugal someday even without you as my ‘tour guide’.
And should, by odd fate, we crossed path again, I hope we’ll be able to start anew and become the best-friend like we used to.
Where the hell are you? You just disappeared on me.. I’m so scared that you’re not okay. I really miss you. I don’t know what to do.. I feel so lost not talking to you. Please come back soon.. Please be okay..
I’ve submitted dozens of letters to this blog over the last three years about you and every time I swear it’s the last. I’m not sure why I can’t get over you. I’ve thought so many different times that I was sure I was and then I find myself missing you. I hope that goes away someday because I know I’ll never be more than I side project but I’ll never be strong enough to say no to you. Not when it’s this hard to be away from you.
I jumped in my car and drove 24 hours straight. You had the audacity to see me for 2 lousy hours. Now you’re in “fortress built near water” and here I am a fool for thinking you actaully wanted to SPEND time with me. I am a fuckin idiot.Think its time for me to accept the fact that you don’t give a damn about me. Just know that I have always loved you from the first day we met and that I was a true friend to you.
Stands with a fist
I think it’s weird that I still think about you sometimes. I wonder if you still remember who I am.
things are turning around,
thoughts rushing through my head
they dont need me anymore
they have abandoned me for good
people around me asking things about them
reality check, I know nothing bout them anymore
nothing seems to last foever
i treasured them so much
im left alone with nothing left
nothing but broken pieces of glass
i cant find a starting line
where will all this hurt go
i dont want this to eat me all up
please make it all go away