You know who you are
You fucked with me pretty bad. I’ve got to say, what you did to me is almost as damaging as losing my mom, and that’s really saying something. You know me better than anyone else, and I trusted you more than anyone else. I honestly thought that you loved me like I loved you. Then you went and broke my heart.
It was years ago, I know, but you honestly don’t understand how much it still affects me today. I forgave you when it happened, hell I even comforted you when it was supposed to be me hurting. I never got the chance to properly get angry, or do whatever it is people do when they get hurt like I did. You never gave me that chance. It was always about you, and how to make you feel better, or how I should act around you. I honestly wish, that I hadn’t forgiven you, that I hadn’t taken you back, because now I don’t know what to do anymore. I never know if you’re going to lie to me again, or worse, hurt me again.
I gave you everything I had to offer. I never pretended, or lied. I bared my soul to you, and you took it and trashed it. You kicked me when I was down. Because of you I was stalked, harassed, and damaged. I can honestly tell you that I won’t be able to trust anyone ever again because of what you did to me.
And now, now it’s starting all over again. After 3 long years of slowly repairing and rebuilding my happiness and little trust I had left in people, you’re tearing it all down again. You and your secrecy and lies. And I know you’re probably going to tell me it’s nothing, that I should trust you by now. But I don’t. I will never trust you. I can never bring myself to trust you or anyone else again. Because like my father hurt my mother, like my uncle hurt my aunt, you’ll hurt me again. I know you will.
You always say you don’t want to be like your dad, that you want to be better than that. But I can’t help but think that you’re a hypocrite. It’s too late, you’re already alike. I’m sorry, but it’s true. You’re doing to me what he did to your family.
You’re destroying me and it’s no good anymore. I can’t take it anymore. It’s come to the point where I don’t know what to do. I want to be free, to break it off, but I’m too scared. I’m scared that no one will ever love me. You did that to me too. You shattered my confidence, self esteem, any positive feelings I had about myself. Because you threw me aside for your ex.
So there it is. I know you’ll never read this, you probably think that everything is okay. But it’s not. You’re hurting me more than you know. And I wish you would stop.
-M
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M submitted this to dear-fillintheblank
